What is self-esteem…really? One does not have to go far to hear that so-and-so would be “better” if only they had more self-esteem. It could also be termed self-regard, confidence or even narcissism. Perhaps a good definition is the realistic but positive appraisal of one’s abilities and deficits. This is rarely what people mean when they use the term. It appears less a realistic self-appraisal than a global sense of satisfaction with oneself. If we only know ourselves through the eyes of others, how is realistic self-appraisal possible? Most self-appraisals are not realistic for that reason alone. If it is skewed toward under-appreciating skills readily perceived by others, then we tend to label these people as modest or depressed. People who espouse self-perceptions that are more grandiose than what others perceive are labeled as arrogant or narcissistic. To be so self-satisfied may not be possible, or even desirable.
Self-esteem is often taken to be a global phenomenon. Once a person catches the self-esteem bug, contentment will blanket all areas of their life. This is rarely the case. More often than not, those who feel very competent in one area view themselves as incompetent in others. An extreme example is the business magnate who is master of all they survey in the daytime, and feels the incompetent fool at night. Most confident people readily admit to areas of their life where they feel a bit shaky. It is nearly a cliche to portray those who boast as actually masking their insecurities. With so many compartments that comprise the modern life, the energy needed to be satisfied in them all would be staggering. Most people form a hierarchy of the important tasks in their life, though they may not be consciously aware of doing so. Those tasks that center about work and family take center stage for most, such that a sense of doing one’s best in either will tend to enhance self-esteem. A constant theme in outpatient practice are those who believe they could have risen higher in work and education. Many people place greater emphasis on family activities that give returns they didn’t receive in other areas. They achieve greater self-esteem by discounting one area and accenting another. Patient’s suffering with grandiose delusions are extraordinarily satisfied with their life, but the rest of us have to make bargains to feel good about ourselves.
The reasons could be genetic, usa viagra no prescription substance abuse, drugs, alcohol, or even some disease. Here, you’ll find the smallest GPS device available today regencygrandenursing.com viagra generika with real-time tracking capabilities that span throughout the entire body. Moreover, owners are given two options for selling their cheap india viagra laptop; they can either exchange it at the store then you can buy Kamagra Jelly or sildenafil jelly online. The impacts buy viagra for cheap of Sildenafil Citrate stay solid for a few hours. It is counter-intuitive, but most people who are at the top of their fields are insecure. Looked at another way, one has to stay hungry to remain at the top. Unless a person keeps an eye on the competition and their skill set, they will tend to decline in any field. Experiencing too much self-esteem may breed a smug indolence that is typical of narcissists. When a winner becomes complacent with their accolades, it tends to diminish their subsequent standing. When a sports psychologist assists an athlete, the treatment rarely takes the form of reviewing their victories. It is stressful to constantly perform at a high level, and one of the stresses is the refusal to be satisfied with one’s performance. If one is thinking of a concert pianist, consider the parent who wanted their child to be a lawyer or doctor. The parent worked long and hard on their academic development. One child is an astronautic and the other is a state senator, yet they regard themselves as a failed parent. Being insecure about their child’s future and their ability as a parent increased the overall effort made with the children. Do not be deceived into thinking that self-esteem drives success. Doubts about oneself may be crippling or highly motivating; depending on how the doubts are interpreted.
So contrary to Mae West, too much of a good thing is not always wonderful. Self-esteem should not come at the expense of motivation and accomplishment. It should not come at the expense of realistic self-perception. We all have to live with the fact we will never be Albert Schweitzer. Sniffle.
Thank God! The holidays are over. This is a common harangue at this time of the year. It seems ridiculous that a time of year intended to give thanks and count one’s blessings should lead to so much tension. Perhaps the unintended consequence is ridiculous, but the ill effects are not. There are many reasons why people become depressed at this time of year, and here are a few. First, the way the Christmas Holiday has been configured in America, it is maximized towards the desires of young children, as their gifts comprise the greatest slice of the economic picture. This echoes the direction of motion pictures to offer material enjoyed by the adolescent and young adult ticket purchasers. This is not an evil plan, to my knowledge, but the typical manifestation of a market to make the most of its opportunities. This does not mean that it will be welcomed by all members of our society, as is clearly the case. Listening to one’s children complain about the paucity or selection of the gifts can infuse the occasion with a sense of meaninglessness. If you are a middle-class American, it is likely you turned in the same performance as a child.
Second, the holidays tend to bring back memories of loved ones that are no longer around. Whether they are deceased or merely estranged is less important than the way we are affected by the distance. There may be an unfulfilled need for this person, or a desire to make amends and reestablish contact. Either way the affected person may be morose or even mildly depressed at a time when we are all supposed to be happy. The expectation that one should be particularly happy during this time of year makes thoughts of loss and longing especially burdensome.
Third, what of this social obligation to be happy during the holidays? Social demands form the core of culture, and we tend to experience feelings when we accomplish or ignore cultural demands. Even if a person is not particularly sad during the holidays, there is an expectation of being happier than usual. If we do not acquiesce to this social demand, we are apt to feel guilt at the lack of our responsiveness. Another perception is anger at being subtly told how to think and feel, even if the consequences of not conforming are nothing more than disapproving looks. The behavioral literature is bursting with examples of how controlling another person’s behavior tends to increase the pressure to resist. People do not like to be pushed into ways of thinking and feeling; unless they believe it was at their initiative.
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Fourth, and perhaps the least discussed, is the holidays bring us into contact with people we may not like. Many friends and patients describe the familial and work obligations that are less than enjoyable. Perhaps due to the social demand of being happy and friendly during the holidays, most people tend not to acknowledge this potentially unpleasant aspect of the season. Even in the closest of family and work relationships, there are people one would rather not see more than once per year-if that! To buck and bridle about visiting the besotted “Uncle Jimmy” runs the risk of being branded a “Scrooge.” See, there is even a special designation for those unfortunates who do not have the appropriate “Christmas spirit.”
What can one do to stem the tide of emotions that flood during the holidays? The first is an automatic response to most mental health issues. Wait. Most of the negative emotions dissipate rapidly after the holiday season. Watching the apparently unappreciative children enjoying their toys, and besotted Uncle Jimmy wearing your gift, tends to ameliorate the initial reaction. January is a “git back to work” month when few expect to be particularly happy. Nature obligingly provides cold cloudy days to accomplish all the accumulated work. It seems a bit natural to be down in January, such that the social expectation to be joyful nearly vanishes! As in my other posts on depression, the typical waiting period is three to six months. If your depressive symptoms do not lessen within this time frame, it is likely that a depressive disorder has caught hold and will require professional treatment. Fortunately for most, the negative aspects of this season fade from view as the more positive aspects take hold in one’s memory. Please leave comments regarding this post in the section below.
Depression, Psychology | orlandopsychcom | 
April 29, 2011 5:57 pm | 
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